Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part 1, General Strategies for Unproductive Behavior

It happens easily. You're conducting a meeting and suddenly a small side meeting starts. Then someone introduces an unrelated issue. Someone else ridicules the new issue. Everyone laughs, except the person who mentioned the idea. Then someone insults the person who told the joke. Two people stand up and walk out. Others complain that the meeting is a waste of time.

Now, what do you do?

And how do you prevent this sort of thing from happening?

Or what could you have done to stop it once it started?

Here are basic strategies for dealing with unproductive behavior in meetings.

Respect other people. Always treat others with respect, even if they are doing things that seem wrong. Their "bad" behavior could be based on many things, such as a lack of skill, a misunderstanding, or a response to a threat. It could also be a simple mistake. Or maybe they're expressing an indirect warning, complaint, or cry of pain. If you respond with disrespect, such as with a counterattack, you will make a bad situation worse. They will either retreat, which means they stop contributing to your meeting, or they will retaliate, which can escalate to an argument that ruins your meeting.

Ask questions. Use questions to find out what is really happening. For example, when someone introduced a new issue, you could have responded by saying, "That sounds interesting, and I wonder how that relates to what we are working on." Notice that this is a neutral, gentle question. It is not a trick question like, "What are your trying to do, ruin my meeting?" and it is not a command like, "Hey, stick to the topic." Both of these (hostile) responses put the other person in an awkward position, which is a form of disrespect.

Focus on the behavior. Your goal is to hold an effective meeting -- not teach lessons. If you attempt to punish people, through admonitions, ridicule, or threats, you will make enemies. In the short term, that can ruin the effectiveness of your meeting, and in the long term it can ruin your career. So, when unproductive behavior appears in your meeting, talk about the behavior. For example, if a side conversation starts, you could say, "We seem to have more than one meeting going on now, and that's preventing us from working on the budget."

Apply diplomatic courage. Leaders project strength and confidence; losers project negativity and fear. Detach from the behavior that seems bothersome, realizing it is simply something that the other person is doing. Assume that there is no personal intent to damage you. Just talk about what is happening and ask for what you want to happen as shown in the above paragraph.

Show what you expect. Be a model for effective meeting behavior. If it is your meeting, or if you hold a leadership role in your organization, realize that others regard you as the standard for their actions. If you arrive on time for meetings, others will interpret this to mean that they should come to your meetings on time. If you make positive, appropriate contributions in meetings, others will infer that this is what you expect from them.

Apply these strategies to make your meetings effective.

This is the first of a seven part article on Managing Monsters in Meetings.

This is the first part of a series of article on Managing Monsters in Meetings. Next month I'll show you how to deal with specific situations that get in the way of holding an effective meeting.

- - - - - - - -

IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who want to hold effective meeting. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com. Call 714 -528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas.

Peek Inside The Heads of Amazingly Successful Leaders

Would you like to know what really goes on inside the heads of astoundingly successful leaders? Here is... Read More

You Make The Difference

What do you think makes your company successful? Your newest hardware or software? The newest system you've put... Read More

Introduction to the The Enneagram as a Leadership Tool

The Enneagram is a fascinating tool of nine orientations that enables us to gain insight into the depths... Read More

What Makes A Good Leader? Ask Uncle Sam

What do the major generals who are leading the war efforts in Iraq have in common with executives... Read More

The Three Essential Attributes of a Leader: The Demonstrated Abilities

Leaders need to:1. Have a vision to which they are committedLeaders arrive with a vision: a deeply thought... Read More

E=MC - Is It In Me?

How many times have you seen the E = MC2 formula and wondered what it might mean to... Read More

Leading In The Face Of Disaster

The date was Saturday, April 11, 1970, the time 13:13 CST. The event to take place was to... Read More

Leadership Activity: How Leadership Agenda, Strategy, and Behaviors Shape Your Success!

"Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall note it... Be satisfied with success... Read More

Blowing Your Own Leadership Horn

There are two streams of competitiveness running through every organization. The first goes outward: It's the organization's competitive... Read More

Leadership and Change in a Holographic Universe

Have you ever noticed that since the early part of the 20th century, nearly every new scientific theory... Read More

Boy Scouts of America and Leadership Coaching

The Center for Management and Organization Effectiveness talks with Dennis St. Jean, Assistant Director Professional Development Division, Boy... Read More

The Best Ways To Multiply The Extraordinary Leadership in Your Organization

Extraordinary Leaders are those who understand that in order for the organization to grow and make the maximum... Read More